Friday, November 06, 2009

Cartoon cascade

The cartoon Ronnie found which she said reminded her of me may have started an avalanche. My friend Stephanie sent me this:


There's no getting over the singularity flu, baby!
Unless you've been inoculated. (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)

Ohm my gawd!

Ronnie sez this cartoon reminds her of me.


I love xkcd and I guess it does kinda evoke my core persona.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Share the gratitude #3

This is my silver-lining-themed post because it seems that wonderful things often emerge from terrible things. I'm grateful (in retrospect, and in retrospect only) for the following five fonts of foetid feces "of which vertu engendred is the fleur," as Chaucer declared six hundred years and a Great Vowel Shift ago. Here are five of my experiences with growing flowers from shit.

I am grateful for:

1. Bullies.
My dad fought in WWII in the Pacific Theater and was even awarded a Bronze Star but he was a fervent Catholic so when he returned home after the war he chose the path of "ain't gonna study war no more" and my early upbringing included the maxim that fighting is a sin and we, meaning me, do NOT fight. The neighborhood bully quickly learned that I was a perfect target because I would not fight back and I soon became his favorite punching bag. This went on for quite a while and, in case you didn't realize it, this is the shitty part of the story. I did not enjoy those times but I endured them because "fighting is a sin" and sin buys you a ticket straight to Hell. At that time I believed in Hell and definitely had no interest in going there.

My folks rarely fought but this situation caused one of those occasions. The ultimate result was that my mom told my dad, "You teach him to fight or I will!" (My mom was also a devout Catholic but, unlike my dad, she was a badass Catholic. She did not embrace "Turn the other cheek!" as much as she did "Let one who has no sword sell his cloak and buy one!") Dad, as usual, gave in.

Most of my fighting instruction from my dad consisted of a long discussion about how it was ok to defend yourself, but only defend yourself and only when attacked. But he did change "fighting is a sin" into "defending yourself is ok." Thank you, Jesus! That was enough for me. My very next encounter with the neighborhood bully changed the course of my life. From then on I knew intuitively that not only is it ok to defend against bullies but also that it's vital for yourself and for your society to resist them. Instead of looking ahead to decades of being bullied physically, mentally, and socially, I could now look ahead to a life in which I had the final say. To this day, bullying is one of the things which really gets my blood pressure boiling. I will not put up with it. No one should have to. A crucial life lesson I'm grateful for.

2. The Jesuits and the U. S. Marines.
Those who know me have previously heard me piss and moan about my prep school experience at some length so I'll keep it brief here. It was a hellish time and just about the worst environment I can imagine for a teenage boy. It destroyed any tiny progress I'd been making in the context of learning how to function in society. It was institutionalized bullying which drained me completely as I fought it for five endless years but my earlier experience and intuition about bullying gave me the strength to endure and resist to the best of my ability.

Thus, eventually, from the profound depths of that adamantine coprolite, I ultimately emerged with the sublime flower of an intellect sharpened, focused, and broadened by a nonpareil education. Whatever else you say about 'em, and I could say plenty, the Jesuits give good education. Oh yeah, and the Marine component helped to distill my position as a(n imperfect) pacifist. I'm grateful for those lovely blooms.

3. Disneyworld.
Ronnie and I reached the nadir of our relationship at Disneyworld in '96. Without going into dreadful detail, it was a culmination of a lotta stress and conflict which reached a head at the shittiest place on earth. What flower could possibly bloom from such mephitic maleficence? The best flower of all, of course.

We worked together to address our difficulties. The realization that we could do such a thing and that we were both committed to doing whatever it took to be together was perhaps the greatest revelation a couple can ever have. It was the New Testament's "pearl of great price" in flower form, a blossom of august beauty which, if it were an actual physical perianth, would no doubt be Tyrian purple.

4. Our Zombie Princess (mis)adventures.
On the face of it, our Zombie Princess adventure was horrible. We spent scads of money. We spent gigajoules of physical effort, maybe terajoules. Ever done fiberglass work in the deep lazarette of a boat in New Orleans in August? Yeah, terajoules. We spent the coin of emotional attachment profligately, cutting ties with friends and family to head out to sea "for a while." The result of all that promiscuous expenditure?

Hurricanes Katrina and Rita in New Orleans, plus life in New Orleans post-Katrina. A terrible crossing of the Gulf of Mexico from New Orleans to Florida, a couple of days of which comprised the worst time I've ever had sailing. Reaching the Florida Keys only to be set upon by Hurricane Wilma. Ultimately, a final decision to return home for Christmas, instead of pushing on to the Lesser Antilles. All very sad, no?

In retrospect, no. Not completely. It's still a somewhat sad memory for me, but some lovely flowers bloomed from that particular poop patty. From that seemingly shitty experience, which was nowhere close to our intended idyllic Caribbean cruise, we emerged as a family which could work together, face adversity at a significant level, and emerge triumphant. We bonded under circumstances which were harsher and more threatening than most families ever have the opportunity to face together and we overcame them. My wife and children demonstrated the extensive depth and breadth of their inner strength. That's a wonderful thing to see and experience.

5. Chronic depression.
I have a long history of clinical depression. This is another story where I won't bore you with a lotta details but Ronnie has had to put up with a pathetic, self-loathing vegetable more than once, and for somewhat lengthy periods, in our history together. Shitty for me, shitty for her, shitty for the kids.

The felicitous flower emanating from this particular fecal fen is that in growing past and recovering from my depression (Make no mistake, my family is what made that happen.), I have an intense appreciation for the happiness I have with my sweet family. The contrast between the vale of my depression and the pinnacle of my happiness is astonishing and it makes this particular flower the biggest of them all.

So, out of curiosity, I Googled for the biggest flower in the world. It turns out that there's some mild disagreement about that. The Rafflesia arnoldii and Amorphophallus titanum are the contenders and both are commonly referred to as the "corpse flower" because they smell like… well, take a wild guess. The Amorphophallus titanum (Remember your Greek roots and take another wild guess as to what that means.) has the largest unbranched inflorescence but the Rafflesia has the largest (single) flower.

Given that we're talking about me, I'm gonna ignore the specificity of Rafflesia being the biggest single flower cuz I really wanna be analogous to a flower called "huge shapeless dick" (Amorphophallus titanum) which smells like a corpse. That's my kinda flower!

I'm grateful to be the human Amorphophallus titanum of happiness.


The preternaturally prominent Amorphophallus titanum

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Share the gratitude #2

Shit! It's Wednesday again already.

I mean... Oh boy! Time for a delighted Wednesday gratitude post! (wink!)

Last time I did this I listed the basic building blocks of my universe. This time I'll be more subjective and specific about the eigenstate and eigenvalues of my life and times. Five more things I'm grateful for.

1. To live in a time when anyone with a minimal level of intelligence and physical ability can learn to fly all by themselves for about the price of a modest used car. A bit more than a hundred years ago, the richest person on earth and/or the most powerful person in the world COULD NOT. Having a pilot's license is miraculous. I love it.

2. Being alive when humanity left home for the very first time and watching live on tv when we set foot on a different celestial body. How can that not move you to tears of amazement? And (speaking with only a teeny, tiny drop of bitterness) we're finally talking about going back! Fuckin'-A!

3. Watching Burt Rutan (recently mentioned in my "adult meme" post) and his tiny band of brilliant mavericks [I refuse to let recent abuse of that word eliminate it from my lexicon. I use it here proudly.] cobble together innovation after innovation in the world of aviation, culminating with SpaceShipOne. A private company, a small private company, sent a reusable manned craft into space for a comparatively negligible amount of money and they're in the process of developing commercial spaceflight. That's so wicked cool I can barely breathe!

4. Speaking of NASA, their renewed interest in space beyond LEO (low-earth orbit) antics is a welcome change from their last coupla decades. Welcome back to what you're supposed to be, a SPACE administration. Live your mission statement, folks: To improve life here, to extend life to there, to find life beyond!

5. This might be even cooler and more meaningful than SpaceShipOne. It's looking like work might actually begin on a space elevator within a decade. In my lifetime, this concept has gone from being a crazy science-fiction gimmick to being close to starting construction. The thought that I might get to ride an elevator into space is staggering. How could I not be grateful for my incredible life?


SpaceShipOne attached to her launch craft, the White Knight.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Adult meme

From Linda H.—

Tired of all of those surveys made up by high school kids? Here's a list of questions for the people who are a little older. Copy and paste into your own note, then answer the questions. Finally, tag your friends (including me, please!). The usual thing, in other words.

I don't do tagging but here's mine.


1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
I hate them all so much that I have Ronnie do them.

2. Do you miss being a child?
I am finally a child. I wasn't when I was young.

3. Chore you hate the most?
Yes.

4. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
Romio's Restaurant, nice local Italian-ish place. Last nicer romantic dinner was Ruth's Chris.

5. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?
Well, in the context of absolute power over the past, I'd undo the car wreck we had when I was two. My older sister died.

6. Name of your first grade teacher?
Sister Mary Discipline. All my grammar school teachers were Sister Mary Discipline. The Catholic Church learned how to do cloning centuries ago from a secret manuscript which they stole from DaVinci.

7. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Sailing in the Caribbean.

8. What did you want to be when you grew up?
Astronaut.

9. How many colleges did you attend?
Just one, the University of New Orleans.

10.Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
It's warm and comfortable and it was on top in the warm-shirt drawer.

11. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
They're artifically low and should rise to a realistic level. See what that does to spur efforts on renewable resources.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
I think I heard Ronnie's alarm. I dunno why she sets one. I don't set one. My typical wakeup thought is, "So, what's gonna happen today?"

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Shit. I don't remember. Probably a grump about the rain I could hear pounding on the skylights.

14. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Burt Rutan.

15. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
Several but none in more than 40 years.

16. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
Maybe.

17. Get up early or sleep in?
Early sucks. I'm pretty sure it was invented by Satan during that contest thing he had with God over Job.

18. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Maybe Cartman from South Park.

19. Favorite thing to do at night?
Sleep.

20. When did you first start feeling old?
I guess when I blew out my knee last year but I still don't really feel old.

21. Favorite lunch meat?
Oyster po-boy. Oyster is a lunch meat. Seriously.

22. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
I never go to Wal-Mart.

23. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
Not especially. I believe bonding is part of our genetic makeup. I think "marriage" should be more broadly defined.

24. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
Ummn, maybe "The 10 Commandments" cuz I'm an atheist? But I love sand-and-sandal epics and it's a great one. Maybe "While You Were Sleeping" cuz it's a "chick flick?" I dunno.

25. What's your favorite drink?
Kir royale. Rum punch. Wait! I know! A delicious Zombie Princess cocktail.

26. Who from high school would you like to run into?
Mange is the only person from high school I kept in touch with over the years. I'd love to play music with him again. We had a LOT of fun when we did our band reunion in '91.

27. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
Air America or any of a variety of music stations.

28. Sopranos or Desperate Housewives?
Neither. Howzabout Dexter?

29. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
Gosh. Just one. Fuck if I know.

30. Do you like the person that sits directly across from you at work?
I quit work in '95. At that time I had a lovely corner office.

31. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purposes?
Yes. Car fire. I keep fire extinguishers in all our vehicles.

32. Last book you finished reading?
The very last book I finished was Jane Haddam's "Living Witness." The last meaningful book I finished was "Phantom Warrior," a fascinating tale of a WWII grunt who single-handedly fought and killed over 100 enemy troops in a single engagement and what his life was like after the war.

33. Do you have a teddy bear?
No.

34. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
This question is kinda silly, isn't it? Bivouacked 4000 feet below the summit of Mt. Rainier. In the cockpit of the Zombie Princess during hurricane Rita. Those are somewhat unusual.

35. Do you go to church?
Raised Catholic, chose atheism in my teens.

36. How old are you?
Older than my teeth and younger than the moon. But not by much. 61

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Share the gratitude #1

My friend Clint started this and I think I'm gonna participate. Every Wednesday leading up to Thanksgiving, he's gonna post 5 things he's grateful for. Contrary to my usual snarky disposition, which is exacerbated when I'm writing, especially at Thanksgiving, about which I could complain endlessly, I am instead gonna adopt this positive approach and play along.

Five things I'm grateful for:

1. Ronnie.
2. MJ.
3. Chloe.
4. Love.
5. Life.

Perhaps I'll drill down to more specific items in subsequent posts. There will be several opportunities, after all. But these are biggies and, while they may be simplistic and/or stereotypical, they are nonetheless real, genuine, and infinitely significant.

Just because

This picture is too good not to post. My pal Fergus helping me play guitar.


Photo courtesy of his folks.

I remember when MJ and Chloe were that small. They still climb on my lap but they don't fit on my head any more. Sniff!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Good luck!

To Ella's Pink Lady... and her human companion, Jessica.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Referendum 71

If you live in Washington State, please vote to approve 71 which continues the domestic partnership law previously passed by the legislature. IMO, this is the Civil Rights issue of these times.

Ronnie has more to say here.