Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Odd little meme

A meme I found while cruising the 'net.

1) When you were in the womb, what was the weird food your mother craved?
I dunno what specific pregnancy cravings she had, but mom typically started her day with a cigarette and a Coke and usually added a slice of her "special bread," which was pound cake. She spent the rest of the day keeping the tobacco industry solvent.

2) If you had to kill a fellow blogger, who would it be and why? And no shrinking from this question.
There's a guy I wrote about in my post titled Faux Unschooling. I'd be willing to kill him.

3) Do you own a pair of cargo pants?
Not specifically. I have shorts with extra pockets but no actual cargo pants.

4) Which resident of the blogosphere would you sleep with and why?
Ronnie! And I do! Cuz it's fun!

5) Which present from a prospective suitor would most impress you?
a) jewelry
b) flowers
c) shoes
d) a book token
e) an erotically shaped vegetable
f) other...(please verify)
Ummmm, I guess jewelry would be the most impressive.

6) Which acting parts were you forced to play on stage back in school?
In high school I did some duelling (fencing) coaching for a coupla plays but was not in the Philalectic Society. In college I helped out a friend or two in the drama department by being in their plays.

7) What totally fucking freaks you out and leaves you whimpering for your mother?
Roaches.

8) Which great opponent of Cartesian dualism resists the reduction of psychological phenomena to a physical state and insists there is no point of contact between the extended and the unextended?
Honest, this question was actually on the original meme I stole borrowed and I just happen to be pretty sure that it's looking for you to answer Henri Bergson. Now ask me about Hedonism. Or Calvin. Or Hobbes. Or Calvin and Hobbes.

9) How many fluffy, rubbery, plastic wind up, edible or just plain strange creatures inhabit your personal workspace and what are they?
When I was working, I had a couple of the little plastic guys who'd walk when you wound 'em up. I used to tie a carefully-measured string around their necks and have 'em commit suicide by walking off the end of my desk. Their frenetic vibrating at the end of the string was quite remarkably grotesque.

10) Do you personally find your own genitalia attractive?
Sure. I can't tell you how often I stand naked in front of the mirror and exclaim, "Nice dick!" Don't you?

11) Naked, greased, and sent up to your room: Mark Spitz or Michael Phelps?
Clearly this question is not aimed at me. I'll substitute Salma Hayek and Emmanuelle Beart and answer, "Both!"

12) Great on-screen love affairs. Fess up. Which one gets you hot/moist/whatever?
William Powell and Myrna Loy in the Thin Man series. Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn in Bringing Up Baby.

13) Who would play you in your biopic?
Younger me: what's-his-name, the fat hobbit.
Older me: Richard Dreyfuss

14) What is your regular coffee shop order?
I don't drink coffee and definitely don't do coffee shops.

15) Give it up with two of life's great mysteries.
1. Women.
2. Men.

16) What is the most disgusting thing you have ever eaten?
Green vegetables.

17) Clowns; do they make you: a) laugh b) shudder c) horny.
Absolutely shudder. Ick!

18) Who was the last person that you told to "fuck off"?
MJ

19) Who's the best:

a) Bond
Sean Connery, but who really cares? The Bond series is SOOOOOOO lame.

b) Batman
None.

c) Monster in Gojira movies
Gamera, the children's friend.

d) Member of the Village People
None.

e) Member of the Banana Splits
No fucking idea.

f) Simpson's supporting cast member
I don't watch the Simpsons.

g) Beatle
John Lennon.

h) Magnificent Seven character
I'll substitute the original movie, Seven Samurai, and answer: Heihachi Hayashida, samurai of the "wood-chop" school.

i) Frasier or Niles
I don't care enough to differentiate on this one.

j) Character in Doonesbury
Tough one. I'll say Cutter John.

k) Osmond
None.

l) Disney baddie
Hades from Hercules.

m) Bond girl
Ursula Andress is the only one I can think of offhand.

n) Bond villain
I don't care enough to differentiate on this one.

o) Member of the Partridge Family
Didn't watch it.

p) Radio deejay
Cap'n Humble, New Orleans DJ who now runs a poboy shop.

q) Non-monotheistic deity
Ma'at. I'm ready for my weigh-in, motherfucker.

r) Fictional deity
Flying Spaghetti Monster. (They're all fictional.)

s) Monkee
I don't care enough to differentiate on this one.

t) Witch
Kim Novak in Bell, Book, and Candle.

u) M.A.S.H character
Spearchucker Jones.

v) Flintstone
Barney, I guess, but I don't really care enough to differentiate on this one.

w) Tom or Ray off Car Talk
Don't watch it.

x) Jackson
Miss Jackson, cuz I'm nasty.

y) Jedi
They're all pretty dipshit.

z) Member of your household
Ronnie.

20) Who's the crappiest

a) Bond
Who cares? The Bond series is SOOOOOOO lame.

b) Batman
Michael Keaton, cuz he sucks in everything except Night Shift.

c) Monster in Gojira movies
MechaGodzilla.

d) Member of the Village People
I don't care enough to differentiate on this one.

e) Member of the Banana Splits
No fucking idea.

f) Simpson's supporting cast
I don't watch the Simpsons.

g) Beatle
Paul McCartney.

h) Magnificent Seven character
Again, from Seven Samurai not "Mag7": Katsushiro Okamoto, the ingenue.

i) Frasier or Niles
I don't care enough to differentiate on this one.

j) Character in Doonesbury
I dunno. Maybe Joanie Caucus? Not a heartfelt choice.

k) Osmond
I don't care enough to differentiate on this one.

l) Disney baddie
Gaston from Beauty and the Beast.

m) Bond Girl
I don't care enough to differentiate on this one.

n) Bond villain
I don't care enough to differentiate on this one.

o) Member of the Partridge family
Didn't watch it.

p) Radio deejay
Casey Kasem, what a doucehbag.

q) Non-monotheistic deity
Philomenus, Greek god of the plow. Seriously. Oooooh, impressive.

r) Fictional deity
YHWH, cuz they're all fictional, and this one did a lot to fuck up Western civilization.

s) Monkee
I don't care enough to differentiate on this one.

t) Witch
Any in that worthless fucking Harry Potter universe.

u) M.A.S.H character
Ho-Jon.

v) Flintstone
Fred, I guess, but I don't care enough to really differentiate on this one.

w) Tom or Ray off Car Talk
Don't watch it.

x) Jackson
So many to choose from. Michael, I guess.

y) Jedi
Anakin before he became Darth Vader. What a fucking emo whiner.

z) Member of your household
Me.

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